Growing up I have always heard, "being engaged is hard." I interpreted that as it was being hard not to be intimate, sleep together, be very passionate, etc. We met with a leader in my church, my bishop, and he gave us some advice. The first piece of advice he told us was not to question what we had already felt (referring to the feelings we had when we know we were going to be ok if we chose to marry each other).
If I am being completely honest being engaged is hard. And not for the reasons I once thought. I have been told "once you make the decision to get married, do it quickly." I always referred back to getting married quick so that you weren't tempted to break te law of chastity. I mean, wasn't that what people meant when they said, "being engaged was hard"?? But that wasn't it at all, at least not for me.
Yes we are very attracted to each other and were tempted, but that didn't make being engaged hard. Satan made it hard. He got in my head, he would prompt thoughts and I allowed myself to pay attention to them at times and it got me scared. Scared to tears. Thoughts that I would be incompetent as a wife, that I wasn't good enough for Jeff, that I wasn't ready, that I am giving up too soon on dating, etc. Yes, these kind of horrible thoughts. People would ask, "how is being engaged?!" and I would force myself to convincingly say, "it is going well! stressful at times...but good!" When in the back of my mind I really wanted to say, "it sucks! okay! it just sucks!" I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was nuts because I had only heard people talk about how "fun being engaged" was and how they "loved it so." Until one day, a lady in my mom's home ward was completely honest with me. She had asked how being engaged was, I had told her my automated response and she told me, "Oh I'm glad you like it because I hated it."
Hallelujah! Someone was real with me. Someone was honest. From then on I didn't think I was crazy or incapable of being engaged or married. I realized that my experience of being engaged was different than others'.
I am glad that I am passed the engaged stage and fully immersed in the married stage. I love being married. It hasn't been as much of an adjustment as I thought it was going to be. But that is a story for another post. As for the rest of this one, enjoy part 2 of engagement photo's and I will share part 3 soon. So stick around!
