Some days I can't help but get overwhelmed.
I have a confession.
I am turning into that person I always thought I would never become. Once upon a time I used to be the Andrea that used to get things done and make the most of my time. I used to be the Andrea that could stay up late being productive, wake up early the next morning and do it all over again. Why am I not that person anymore? I have been doing much better these last 2 weeks. My emotions are much more under control and I have felt more in tune with my "normal self." Saturday, however, the wave hit.
I think all of this can be attributed to a number of things. Being a newly wed, living in a different house, living as a couple, being a student, still finding a place for everything, etc. All of it still is being figured out. We are still figuring out our "flow" around the house.
Saturday I did a little bit, then crawled back into bed. Jeff snuggled me while I held back tears. Tears of "I have so much to do, I don't know where to start," and tears of "can we just turn off our phones and pretend we have nothing else to do but work on our home" and tears of "everyone is going to think I am a horrible homemaker because....well just look at our home."
Granted, it has only been a month and a half, but I feel as if our home should be more in order. We have the random things now that have to be dealt with and I feel like I never have enough time to get them taken care of. Which is where school plays a big role. It is such a time sucker. I have to read all these chapters, take quizzes, write papers, figure out financial statements, etc. I know it is worth it in the end. But right now I need a 3 day weekend -- I need that extra day where I can just devote to my home with my husband.
I hope any of you married people that read this blog have been in my shoes, and can empathize with this issue. And if you have been here before, what did you do to help yourself, your husband, your home? If you are a newly wed yourself, what are you doing now?
6 comments:
Andrea! You are so cute. I love reading your posts. But don't feel alone. I remember when we first got married having those same feelings. It's so hard jumping into a brand new life as a wife, homemaker, cook, laundry lady... etc. etc.. but don't worry I promise it will get better as time goes on. It just takes time for 2 different lives to completely mold into one. You will find ways that work best for you! But give yourself time! I've lived in my home 2 1/2 years and we're still working on improvements. It's never "finished". There's always something to be done. You are not a failure just because you don't have everything all done how you'd like it to be! Some days I still get frustrated when my house is DISASTER (understatement) and my poor husband comes home from work & school to a mess, an ornery kid, no dinner, dirty laundry.. It's hard not to feel defeated. But that's just how it works lol. You can't always have everything perfect, which was hard for me to except, I wanted to be the best wife ever, but sometimes being the best wife ever, doesn't mean having the house perfect, dinner made and a clean, happy baby.. The best part about being married, is now you have a partner to help you. A friend that is always there to lean on! USE HIM! Haha. Let him help you! Designate some things to him and allow him to help you. Explain how you're feeling to him (guys will never guess our feelings.. we have to TELL them exactly what we feel, want & need haha) It will make your life easier too. I promise don't stress over the little things! I'm sure you are an amazing wife and friend and homemaker. :) With time you will feel more comfortable and relaxed, I promise.
I am with Linsey. Nothing Is ever perfect. I know I had a hard time when we first got married. I was bugged that my house wasn't always clean I always had laundry that needed to be done I wanted to do everything I could to make a "perfect" hours I wanted to do well in school and I wanted to have the best relationship with my husband. One day I was doing laundry and crying because I felt like I worked and worked and things never got done. Then I realized it, it's never done. Nothing will ever be perfect. But it's what is finding what is most important to you. I would love to have a clean house with no laundry every single day, but in my life right now that is not going to happen. I had to prioritize my time. Spending time with Robbie was more important than spending my day cleaning our whole house. So I took things smaller. Everyday I do a room. It only takes 20 minutes to clean one room. Instead of spending a whole day of my week cleaning I do small tasks everyday. Instead of spending a whole night doing laundry I do one load a day. Of course there is always laundry of course there is always a "messy" spot in the house, but I know I did my best and that I can spend more time with Robbie. I can concentrate on my homework and not being distracted by the carpet that needs to be vacuumed.
But really, you'll find your flow you'll figure it out! Don't waste time worrying about it cause the first few months of being married are the best and exciting!,
Oh I have been there. It's totally normal feeling so overwhelmed that you just don't want to do anything!!!
I find that making lists helps me. I make a (reasonable) list of things to get done every night for the next day. It really helps me stay focussed!
when you figure that out, let me know. i'm not even married and I'm still feeling overwhelmed. I'm working 30 hours and going to school 10 hours a week, but i'm working all day and going to school at night. Sometimes I just want to cry and give up work and just focus on school because i used to be that girl. I used to have all the time in the world to devote to school (not that I don't devote time now) but it's SOO much harder growing up, so i'm glad that I'm not the only one!!
Is is weird that this really reassures me? I mean, it was a nice daydream to think that life gets perfect when you're married. But, of course that's not how it works. I'm glad to know that people as incredible as you have hard times too. (Not that I want you to have hard times, but you know what I mean.) Thanks for being so real and honest. You really are the greatest and so inspiring. I just love you.
I have a few thoughts.
1- Don't get too wrapped up in what other people think about your home. Do what you can and as long as you and Jeff are content then all is well. You are a very busy girl.
2- I THINK (this is just MY opinion) your top priorities should be your marriage & your education. You can't do EVERYTHING and be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. Remember a while back when I said you need to start saying no & possibly politely bow out of some of your obligations? :)
3- You are a beautiful and incredible person.
4- I have been over committed before & I had to start saying NO and finding ways to free up time for me and my family.
5- I love you!
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